#7 Live in the Moment.

Dear Internet,

I like to help people. It’s not because of the satisfaction that I get from the praises and recognition. Those things don’t matter. It’s because of the satisfaction that I get by knowing the fact that I actually have contributed something to society. Which is awesome. It shows that I am actually important. It shows that I have a value. Same goes to loving someone. It doesn’t matter if the significant other doesn’t return your love. What matters is that you have expressed your feeling and lived in the very moment. What comes after won’t matter. Live in the moment.

Yours truly,

Diyani.

#6 Let’s Get Over It.

Dear internet,

I’m sure you’ve heard of this wisdom, “There’s always a rainbow after a rain.” am I right? Well then, shall we all settle down and relax despite the situation right now? Alright alright, I know you’re freaking out because the SPM results will be announced tomorrow. (it would be a lie if I wasn’t freaking out) but hey, if you really think that life fully depends on SPM alone, you really need to read this. Ok let’s get this clear. The journey of our school life, starting from the kindergarten, primary school, secondary school and lastly, high school.  All of those abundant years we’ve spent for school, weren’t only for one reason. Yes, you’ve got it. That is SPM. Nope. If we didn’t value the true meaning of school (including our childhood and adolescent years) and instead, we filled those precious years with non-stop intense studying and studying and studying, ignoring our surrounding, ignoring our companions, ignoring our own passion for something, don’t you think that we’ve wasted some special parts of our lives? This goes the same to our future.  How do you think our children will see us when they find out about our bland, dull childhood and teenage years? Did we gain enough experience to be an example for them when they’re in need of our advice? Will we be able to help them? To make ends meet, there’s no point regretting upon the past as it is the past that we can’t fix. But there’s always a future. A future that we can fix. At any time, any circumstances, any where. You can fix your life. Chances are everywhere. All you need to do is realize and wonder, have I truly valued this life? If you did, then good. If you didn’t, then start changing. Every time you feel depressed, look up at the sky, breathe deeply and stop assuming your life as a terrible nightmare. It works. Well, for me. So stop freaking out or worrying about how people would judge you based on your grades. Grades don’t reflect yourself. Your personality does. Your way of accepting whatever outcome that you’ll get resulting from your noble efforts, will win those hearts. Not grades. Just no. Don’t kill yourself. That’s just stupid. There’s a lot more to come. This isn’t the end.

So basically, this post is originated from a conversation that I made with the wall in my room last night because I thought that my life needed therapy as talking to yourself is the best therapy to throw away depression, that’s what they said. You should try it too. But don’t talk to yourself when people are around. They’ll find that rude. Or cuckoo.

All will be well for tomorrow, we hoped and put all of our faith in God, the Most Merciful and Almighty, as He knows what’s best for us. Ameen.

Yours truly,

Diyani.

#5 Quick Update.

Dear internet,

Boy I’m so good at abandoning stuff, am I? *dusts off this dusty blog* So to catch things up, I’m going to blurt out some updates about my life so far. I recently passed my driving test (thankfully) in one try and I’d been cruisin’ the town with my folks like gangstas (literally) for quite a few times already. It felt good to be out and about without burdening my mum to send me off to the places that I wanted to go. Being a chauffeur isn’t that bad! I also started a business project with two of my fellow pals on Facebook and the feedback shockingly preached our expectations. Find us at SAS Clothing Store on Facebook to know what we’re working our butts off for! (nice try on promoting thur)

So yea, that’s basically how my daily basis worked for these last few months after SPM. Woo wait a sec, have I mentioned about the SPM’s Results Day aka THE APOCALYPTIC FOUR-DAYS-LEFT-TO-ENJOY-YOUR-FREEDOM-BEFORE-KILLING-YOURSELF DAY? Yap four days left, people. That one sacred day which will decide my future. Brace your spine up.

Yours truly,

Diyani.

#4 That Kind of Person.

Dear internet,

I am that kind of person who says sorry to a table when I tripped over it and gets paranoid for the whole day. Or sometimes the whole week. I am that kind of person who prefers daydreaming than facing the reality itself. I am that kind of person who stays in her room and do her own things rather than being outside, exposed to the rays of such attitudes. I am that kind of person who is socially awkward and always hides from encountering eye-contact with people. Except for cats. I love to stare at them in the eyes. As they won’t judge me in any way. I am that kind of person that people call ‘wallflower of the society’. I am that kind of person who stores butt-loads of thoughts in my head but unable to mend them into words. Or afraid, another way to say it. I am that kind of person who always says I’m fine when I am actually not. I am that kind of person who weeps after every heart-breaking movie. I am that kind of person who has a bizarre addiction to the people with fringes and attractive accents. I am that kind of person who wonders what goes inside of everyone’s mind when I am with them. I am that kind of person who tries to impress someone in order to create a bond and fails very badly.

After all, it’s just me being me. Flaws are just gonna be flaws.

SO BE YOURSELF.

Yours truly,

Diyani.

#3 The Long Break.

Dear, internet.

Just so you know, I’m currently in my gap year which means I have another five months to go before going to college and stuff. I am also waiting for my SPM results on March. Talking about the result, I’ve been dreaming about it every single night recently. Funny that the results were all completely different in each dream. Nice job on trolling me, brain. Very nice.

During this break, I’ve decided not to proceed with fast-tracks foundation or any studying-related-stuff. Don’t call me a lazy bum. (well I am, literally) But for me, I just think that this is the only perfect time to hang loose, look up to the opportunities in this chaotic world and decide what to do with my life after 12 years of intense studying. Don’t get me wrong, it’s just a humble opinion of mine. No offense to those who are proceeding their studies right now and of course it’s never wrong to chase your dream. Well, at least you have sorted out your life much earlier than me and that’s even cooler! I’ve been thinking about applying for a job but my mum doesn’t let me to do so. It happened to my other siblings too before and I don’t actually know why. If procrastination is a job, I’d be a millionaire right now. Oooh yes I would.

So, basically I’ve been spending this break with lots and lots of movies, video games, books, coffee, endless sleep, more coffee, internet, even more coffee and the list goes on in a cycle. Woop too much exposure of my daily “unhealthy” basis. (lol people couldn’t bother less about your routine, you twat) Oooh ya I also took a driving lesson too! Just got my ‘L’ license by the way. I think that’s the only productive activity out of all? Yep the truth hurts. Besides, I’ve also been searching for the perfect course for me to study deeply in the future. So,  I would like to ask for your kind favor in recommending some courses that are on demand in Malaysia today. Leave your thoughts in the comment section below or tweet/facebook-post me? It would mean the universe to get some feedback! *cough* I desperately need some feedback *cough* Here’s a cookie in appreciation for your help. Cheers!

Yours truly,

Diyani.

#2 Mid-life Crisis.

Dear, internet.

Have you ever wondered what will you be years from now? Who will be your partner for life, how many children you’ll have to take care of, what will be your career, will you ever be diagnosed with such diseases, when will you hit the menopause etc. These questions are haunting my mind for ages. What if I am still not ready? What if I don’t want to grow up? What if I am too scared to face the reality? People keep asking me what are my plans for the future? What is my chosen area that I’m going deep into? Which university am I planning to attend? WHAT IS ACTUALLY MY LIFE? And the only answer that I give them is I DON’T EVEN KNOW, YET. By seeing some of my buds whom successfully proceeding their foundation studies in their respective universities makes me even scarier. What if I won’t actually get to be doing anything in the future? Woo ain’t this getting creepier? I seriously need to sort out my life and actually make a solid decision about it. #PrayForDiyani, trend this now.

Yours truly,

Diyani.

#1 The Origin of Beneh.

Dear, internet.

For those who are close to me, you might be familiar with the name “Beneh” and might have been calling me that since we’ve known each other. So here’s the story. It all began with an ol’ slightly silly accident from a friend of mine. I had this nickname “Neinei” which was originally “Nini” (that’s what my relatives call me actually) as my myspace’s username because it sounds cuter? (I was 10, don’t judge me) And ironically that’s the name of a character from my favourite japanese animation, Shin Chan. Moving on to the accident, it was a post from a friend of mine on myspace. She accidentally misspelled “Neinei” as “Beinei” in the post and decided to call me that for fun. And poof. It sticks to everyone’s mouth ’til now. I am fine with it though. So that’s it, the story is finally revealed! *raining confetti*

On the other note, I’ve finally made up my mind to start blogging again. Apart from my 2013 resolutions, I’ve been thinking about it since I’ve ended SPM last year but oh well procrastination dictated my life, apparently. So, I hope it will turn out well this time. Cheers! x

Yours truly,

Diyani.